Thursday, November 24, 2016


    Something about having a baby makes me have the need to write (as evidenced by the fact that the last time I wrote was when Callie was born). So, here I am. On this old space that has seen me through so many stages of my life, hoping it can hold some of the emotions and thoughts swirling through me.
    Everything about pregnancy, delivery, and postpartum has been different with Carter than it was with Callie. With Callie, I was so worried about everything. It was all so unknown, and everything was an opportunity for anxiety (which is very unlike my personality). Particularly the first weeks after she was born, I was crippled with fear that something bad was going to happen or that I was doing everything completely wrong. Somehow, she survived her first time mother and is a thriving three year old!
     Three years of motherhood has given me the wisdom to know that despite what Dr. Google will tell you, everything is going to be fine and that each stage and each moment is so fleeting. So this time, I've been able to just enjoy the beautiful gift of a newborn baby. I'm trying to drink him all in... his sweet noises, his buttery soft cheeks, his frog legs that remind me of all the times I felt him kick inside me, his long fingers grasping mine, his little eyes as they blink, blink, blink up at me, his little cry to let me know he needs me, his satisfied face when he finishes nursing, his million dollar dimples, the way he snuggles up to me when I lay him on my chest... 1,000 gifts in a little 8 lb 9 oz package.
   I've found myself so many times picturing myself in the future looking back at this week. I can see myself in 5, 10, 15, 20 years looking back at the photos from this week with such fondness. I know these moments are some I will treasure forever, and it's easy to begin to feel like holding onto these beautiful moments is like trying to catch a waterfall in my hands. But instead of despairing over the inability to freeze time, I choose to picture myself swimming in an ocean of a lifetime of beautiful moments with my family. Whenever I look at him, I can't help but imagine all the wonderful things I hope this life will hold for him and all beautiful moments we have to come together.
   There's a song I've had on repeat all day, a new favorite called "What I'm thankful for" by Garth Brooks and James Taylor. It perfectly captures my feelings on this extra special Thanksgiving. It plays in my head as I reflect on these "treasure forever" moments.

What I'm thankful for ain't on no list
For it only in my heart exists
For time has helped me understand
The things I can't hold in my hand

{The first moments of Carter's life as he laid on my chest and took his first breaths of air into his lungs}

For those that came before my turn
Oh, from whom I've gathered lessons learned
That light the path that lies ahead
I see them as I bow my head

{Jason talking to "his boy" just after he was born. I get teary thinking of Carter growing up to be a wonderful husband and father like Jason. And I love thinking of the long, rich heritage of men in Carter's life, and how their Godly example has laid a firm foundation for his life.}

Yes, I'm thankful for the Lord above
The gift of His unending love
The promise kept that there is something more
These are the things I'm thankful for

{Our first picture as a family of four. Picturing all the things we will do together as a family. As Callie likes to say.... Daddy and Mama and Callie and Carter forever!}

For our children hear this prayer
Let love surround them everywhere
And may their children's children know
The one from whom all blessings flow

{Callie is absolutely enthralled with her brother. I'm so thankful they will have each other to lean on through life. I know their little lives won't be without hard times, but I also know that with Jesus, they can endure anything life brings.}

Yes, I'm thankful for the Lord above
The gift of His unending love
The promise kept that there is something more
These are the things I'm thankful for

{I do not take for granted the gift of a baby, and the fact that we were chosen to care for this precious boy.}

And amidst these gifts and presents
We receive this holiday
May we take a thoughtful second
Just to fold our hands and pray

{I love this boy so much, it hurts. I love thinking about all the wonderful things he will accomplish and all the goodness he will bring to the world.}

Yes, I'm thankful for the Lord above
The gift of His unending love
The promise kept that there is something more
These are the things I'm thankful for
  Thank you God for these blessings! Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude.