Image by One Girl Photography
Today my girl is nine days old. I think I've learned more about God in the past nine days than I have in a long time.
My mom asked me the other day what has surprised me about having her, and it may sound trite, but truly I have been taken back by the insane love I have for her. People always talk about their love for their children and how there is nothing like it, but it really feels like my heart is outside of my body. I am overwhelmed with an intense love I've never experienced when I look at her. I finally get it now, just how CRAZY it is that God, the creator of the universe, would call us his Children. See what great love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God (1 John 3:1). Unfathomable.
Then to think that Jesus came as a baby to earth. Jason and I have remarked several times over the past days how Callie depends on us for everything. She can't feed herself, can't soothe herself, can't even wipe her own tears. The God that spoke the world into existence came as this, a helpless babe.
Perhaps most of all though, with the whirlwind of emotions of the past two weeks, I've learned to depend and trust in God like I never have before. From anxiousness as her due date came and went and trusting that God would perfectly orchestrate the details of her birth, to breathing through contractions that just so happened to last exactly as long as it took me to sing "Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus" in my head and considering with each one how I'd proved Him o'er and o'er. Then finding him faithful through two hours of pushing and honestly thinking I could not go on, but ultimately seeing that sweet girl's face and knowing it was all more than worth it.
Then having her taken from us at 4:00 am the morning after she was born due to rapid breathing and trusting a promise that a dear prayer warrior and friend, April, sent me that "those that trust in the Lord are like Mt. Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever. As the mountains surround Jerusalem so the Lord surrounds His people both now and forevermore (Psalm 125).", and picturing his angels surrounding our girl when I couldn't be with her. Sunday morning brought the hardest blow as they told us she would have to stay and that there may be something more seriously wrong. I know Jesus sat right with us as Jason and I cried for two hours while at the same time His church was lifting us up and interceding for us (we later found it was probably just a "bad lab" that showed her platelets as being low and that she was never really sick, but God wanted us to experience that and we trusted Him and found Him faithful).
His faithfulness has continued this week as we've been home, through hormone crashes and intense bouts of anxiety, thinking I was not capable of doing this and having every fear of what could go wrong plaguing my every thought. But my Lord whispered to me that for me and Callie I can have "no guilt in life, no fear in death, this is the power of Christ in me. From life's first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny. No power of hell, no scheme of man can even pluck me from His hand, 'til he returns or calls me home, here in the love of Christ I stand!"
Faithful, over and over again. We are in a really good place now, just loving our girl and trying to soak up every single moment. But as the NICU nurse told us as we cried, the worry won't ever stop. But I know, we will continue to find Him faithful in all situations we face in this life.
My friend Susan has a catch phrase she often repeats when things feel out of control, and that is to "adjust your crown". Meaning that we know that we are children of the King and that all things that come to us are for our good and from His hand, and that we just need to remember that the God of angel armies is on our side and not to worry or doubt. I'm sure it was no coincidence that our dear friend Kam of One Girl Photography was inspired to take this shot of our princess in her newborn shoot.
Oh yes, oh yes. I'm a child of the King. His royal blood, now flows in my veins, and I who was wretched and poor now can sing. Praise God, Praise God. I'm a child of the King.