For the first weeks of my pregnancy, it didn't seem real to me at all. Sure, that little screen had showed the word I had longed for, and my doctor had confirmed the great news, but other than needing a daily nap, I felt the same. Even when morning sickness haunted me, I could think of nothing I wanted to eat, and smells would send me gagging, it still didn't seem real that there was a new life inside of me.
Unfortunately, I've always been a prepare for the worse type person. For example, when I would babysit for people over night, I would make a plan for how I would get the kids out if the house caught on fire. I've just always been the type that wants to be informed and prepared. So, with each doctor's appointment I would prep myself that they could tell me that something had gone wrong.
I was terribly nervous before our gender reveal ultrasound. We had planned a gender reveal party and I had told all my students, and I kept being so fearful that we would go to the appointment for them to tell us there was a mistake or something had gone wrong. I emailed my teaching teammates that morning and asked for prayer. They all reassured me that they had similar feelings, and my teammate Susan encouraged me to pray against this fear (which I knew was sinful and lack of trust on my part).
I immediately felt peace after praying. Then when our ultrasound technician enthusiastically said "it's a baby girl" and I could see our girl kicking, playing with her feet, and even swallowing that I finally realized. There is a BABY, MY baby, inside of me!
I had felt what I thought were kicks all the way since Thanksgiving, but in the last week, I have felt them for sure. And on Christmas eve morning, Jason was able to feel the kicks for the first time too. His face was priceless. He keeps telling her how pretty she is and how much he loves her.
Up until this point, I really hadn't had an emotional moment. I didn't cry when I found out or when telling Jason or our families. I haven't shed a tear at any of our ultrasounds or at our gender reveal party.
But on Christmas Eve I was driving around doing some last minute shopping. I looked up to see a funeral procession, and for some reason, that just set me off. I started praying for that family and praying that the person knew Christ, and I was just overwhelmed with blessing and thankfulness. I was overwhelmed by the profound love of a Savior who would come to earth to bear such sadness and to give such blessing, The music from my favorite Christmas movie, "A Muppet's Christmas Carol", was playing in my car and singing "Bless us all, with playful years, with noisy games and joyful tears. We reach for You, and we stand tall, and in our prayers and dreams we ask you, bless us all."
I was just overwhelmed at the blessings surrounding me. Feeling the little kicks as I prayed and cried and being thankful for the life inside of me. Thinking of Christmases to come with those noisy games with our daughter. Thinking of how the Lord takes care of us in all things big and small. And in being so thankful for my husband, family, job, health, and so many more things, the joyful tears came (which turned into a full on ugly cry and gagging fest, just keepin' it real!)
But as I sat there and watched the funeral procession pass, I thought about how all of those wonderful things pass away in light of eternity. And even if every single earthly blessing I have was stripped away, I would still be the most blessed because of Jesus....because He came! Then this abundant life He gives on top of that, it's indescribable.
And although I can't wait for all the fun that will come in Christmases to come, I hope our daughter will know that Jesus coming, that's what it is all about, and that is something worth celebrating.