Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Choose this day whom you will serve...

Well, it has been a day. One of those looooong sigh kind of days. I'm not usually one to complain or play the stress card, but the week before a break at school is always tough. On top of that, we have CRCT the week we get back which means this week consists of drill, drill, drill. Other teachers are stressed. Students are antsy. It gets a little messy.

   As I reached a climax of stress today, I took a deep breath and started to pray. I felt that peace and realized THIS moment was when my beliefs were really being tested. This was when the "rubber met the road" if you will. I can write blog posts and have conversations all day about the power of the Word and the Holy Spirit, about fighting, and about putting on the full armor of God. But in that moment, I had to choose. I haven't always been able to say I've done so, but in that moment, instead of frustration or anger or fear, I choose peace, joy, and love.

   This poem puts this perfectly. I think I need this framed in my kitchen, taped to my steering wheel, and maybe even tattooed to my forehead...

I Choose :: by Max Lucado
It’s quiet. It’s early. My coffee is hot. The sky is still black. The
world is still asleep. The day is coming.

In a few moments, the day will arrive. It will roar down the track with
the rising of the sun. The stillness of the dawn will be exchanged for
the noise of the day. The calm of solitude will be replaced by the
pounding of the human race. The refuge of the early morning will be
invaded by decisions to be made and deadlines to be met.

For the next twelve hours I will be exposed to the day’s demands. It is now I
must make a choice. Because of Calvary, I’m free to choose. And so I choose.

I Choose Love
No occasion justifies hatred;
no injustice warrants bitterness. I choose love.
Today I will love God and what God loves.

I Choose Joy
I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance.
I will refuse the temptation to be cynical…
the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see
people as anything less than human beings,
created by God. I will refuse to see any problem as
anything less than an opportunity to see God.

I Choose Peace
I will live forgiven. I will forgive so that I may live.

I Choose Patience
I will overlook the inconveniences of the world.
Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I’ll
invite him to do so. Rather than complain that the
wait is too long, I will thank God for a moment
to pray. Instead of clenching my fist at new
assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.
I Choose Kindness
I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone.
I will be kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And kind to
the unkind, for such is how God has treated me.

I Choose Goodness
I will go without a dollar
before I take a dishonest one. I will be overlooked
before I will boast. I will confess before I will
accuse. I choose goodness.

I Choose Faithfulness
Today I will keep my promises.
My debtors will not regret their trust. My associates
will not question my word. My wife will not
question my love. And my children will never fear
that their father will not come home.
I Choose Gentleness
Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle.
If I raise my voice, may it be only in praise.
If I clench my fist, may it only be in prayer.
If I make a demand, may it only be of myself.
I am a spiritual being…
After this body is dead, my spirit will soar.
I refuse to let what will rot rule the

I Choose Self-Control
I will be drunk only by joy.
I will be impassioned only by my faith.
I will be influenced only by God.
I will be taught only by Christ.
I choose self-control.
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

To these I commit my day.
If I succeed, I will give thanks.
If I fail, I will seek His grace.
And then, when this day is done,
I will place my head on my pillow
and rest.

   By the power of the Holy Spirt, may we all choose wisely in each moment.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Love is not a fight, but it's something worth fighting for

    So far we are just over 9 months into our marriage, and those have been just wonderful. Honestly, I don't know that they could have been better. Perhaps, we are still "honeymooning", and if that is so, then I hope we always are (although I am not naive and I know we will face different seasons). I just totally dig that man of mine. He is the most caring, cutest, most noble, funniest, most loving, wonderful man I have ever known. I am honored to be his wife.

   Amidst all this, I have been learning so much about love, mainly....
 Love is a choice.

    On June 20th, 2009. I promised forever to Jason. So, even in those moments that I've been tired or annoyed or hungry or stressed or what have you, I have had to choose love. So, in the moment when there is a sock graveyard by the bed or the HHR gets road rage (he promises its the car),  I've learned to choose love. Disclaimer, this isn't fun nor is it easy. And I have so much respect for those who have really had to choose love in crisis like cancer, infidelity, death, job loss, infertility, death, etc. Oh, and just for the record, I think Jason has had to choose love much more often than I have, and he does it so well. Seriously, my husband is a rock star.:)

 At the Sunday of our Revival services, I prayed and told the Lord that I would always fight for our marriage. There is  a wonderful song that talks about just that, and I just love the words. Press play and read along...

God is love.
It's worth fighting for.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Prunin' and Plowin'

I am the true vine, and my father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.
John 15:1-2

 Pruning hurts. 

But, the Lord is so, so faithful. I've been dealing with some stuff lately (aka sin), and He just kept leading me to stuff about the VINE. Check this out...

First, my real life friend Lauren wrote this beautiful post about vines: The Vine
Then Today, oh my, Angie wrote this post on weeds: The Weeds
(If you haven't read her story yet, run do not walk to her blog now.)

So back to that ugliness, I need to confess that I have totally failed at this:

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ (got that)
If any comfort from his love (boy do I)
If any fellowship with the spirit (nothing sweeter)
then make my joy complete by....
being like-minded
having the same love
being one in spirit and in purpose.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility,
consider others better than yourselves. 
Phillipians 2:1-3

The longer I'm a Christian, the more I see how important the Church is. The horrible, scary, disgusting this is what we have turned the modern church into. The Church should be SO POWERFUL, and I believe the reason that we aren't is because of the exact sin I have been committing.

We are not unified.

I raise my hand to confess my own guilt in contributing to the disunity even within my own body of believers. I must confess that I have gossiped, I have been jealous and envious, I have given way to hate against my brother and sister, I have judged, I have lied, I have stolen, I have grumbled and complained, I have let the devil steal my joy and love from me.

I have already confessed these sins to the Father, but now for the scary part... I know I must confess these sins to one particular person I have mainly sinned against. But, I am so looking forward to how the Lord will bless it, and how He will restore fellowship and some of that power will be rekindled.

Lord, Help me to recognize sin, hate it, and fight against it every single time.Thank you for pruning my life. Cover me with your humility, and help me to always see others as your precious children and as better than myself. Unify  our fellowship, restore the power. Your joy and glory are the desire of my heart.

One last quote from a friend...
"Why should I be frightened and surprised by the plow of the Lord, which makes deep furrows in my soul? I know He is not some arbitrary or irrational farmer- His purpose is to yield a harvest." -Samuel Rutherford

Saturday, March 27, 2010

A totally shallow and materialistic post...

   If you know me, you know I am Queen Saver girl. It's hard for me to commit to buying a shirt. I could go weeks without spending any money on myself, and when I do buy stuff, I am always looking for a deal.   However, there are a few things on my list that i would love (and plan to) own sometime during my life. So, for your viewing pleasure, something completed shallow and materialistic, a stuff dream book...

Yes please. Probably number one on my list is a really nice camera and harddrive video camera. I don't know what I prefer yet between Nikon and Cannon for either, I need to research to see what would fit our needs best. I want to have these before we have kids, you know, they have to be well documented!
This is probably what I want most now. Have I mentioned that my laptop is on its very last leg; it's had the blue screen of death several times, frequently has to have its battery taken out to restart, and to top it off, is missing the "g". Each time I type that letter I either paste it in or have the spellcheck correct it. Yeah. And just look at that Mac, they are just bad. Drool.

Next, a Dyson Vacuum. Maybe a weird dream list item, but I have heard nothing but awesome stuff about these! And the ball, I mean how cool is that?

No, I don't want a kangeroo. A dream of Jason and mine is to take a trip to Australia. Why not?

Friday, March 26, 2010

Friday Funnies: I love my husband...

  This is totally random, but can I just give you a glimpse into our living room? My husband can make me laugh like no one else, and here are a few reasons why...

Without fail, everytime the commercial for extra gum comes on he repeats loudly...."Go from nice gut, to nice butt. EVERY.TIME. He says it with such enthusaism too. I just sit there and giggle.

His other repeated commercial phrase really gets me going. Every single time we see a commercial for the TV show "Little Couple" (a show about little people), it shows them with a really small dog, and every time Jason says...
" I swear, if I was them I would have a huge dog, like a doberman". Then he sits in his chair and puts his hand above his head like he is holding the leash. Hilarious.

  Well, this may have been complete boring and totally not funny to you. But, I look foward to many many more years of laughing together at absolutely nothing. :)

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Decisions, Decisions

I hate decisions. I always have. I feel the need to way out every single option, and then I'm scared that what I choose will be a waste of time/resources/money/etc. The current decision weighing on me is Grad School. Here's the dealio...
   We are in year two of "the 5 year plan" which originally looked something like this (kinda weird to write this down, but here we go)...

June 2009-June 2010: Get married (check!), rock out my first year of teaching
June 2010-June 2011: Grad School (while still teaching)
June 2011-June 2012: Move (build or buy)
June 2012-June 2013: Preggars

Well, we are not even through year 1, and it's already changing. Figures, right?

Here are the reasons NOT to go to Grad School:
- Currently, there is legislation that will make it to where teachers will not get paid for advanced degrees, but will instead be "paid for their performance". While most people think it is crazy and will not pass, it is there which means I could go to school and then never be paid for it.
- Grad School comes at the cool price of $12,000, and scholarship money isn't looking too good at the moment.
- On the current salary schedule, it will take 4 years to be paid back in raises for the cost of Grad School. That is the exact time that we hope to start a family, and there is still a possibility that I may spend a few years at home. That would mean, I could potentially "loose money" in the short term.
-I'm not 100% sure what I want to get it in. After all, I've only taught one year in one subject. What if i teach Math next year and LOVE that or decide I would rather teach elementary or high school. Then a degree in adolescent reading won't do very much for me
-I'm not sure that I want to stay in education forever. Don't get me wrong, I love it right now, but thinking about doing it for 30 years, scares me. If I potentially change careers, I may need to do schooling then, and this degree would seem like a waste.
- I'm not excited about going. That may sound like a big duh, but when I think about other careers, I feel excited. This feels like something I need to just get through.
-There is a chance that I may not have a teaching job next year. But, this also may be a reason to do it, because what else would I be doing next year?

Reasons to suck it up and DO IT...
- If I stay in education and the current salary schedule stays, I would get large raises for the rest of my career.
- Getting the degree now will keep me from having to do it later when life is more complicated. Mainly, it will keep me from having to do it after we do have kids.
-A Masters is essential if I ever want to advance to a different position in Education such as administration.
-I enjoy school. I would learn a lot in the classes and hopefully become a better teacher.

All these thoughts are constantly swirling in my head. The really scary thing is, I have to take the MAT NEXT TUESDAY if I want to move forward with all this, and then one application deadline is April 1 and the other is May 1. AY YA YA.

I talked to everyone who will listen about this. The only person who has given me any comfort at all is my Heavenly Father, who knows all and sees all. I am praying that HE will reveal what is the best plan for my life, the plan that gives Him the most glory. Today, I was humming "Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus", and oh how it is! I know that He guides my steps. I'm always so interested and anxious to see what the next one is....

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

What a Weekend...

  Last weekend was so great, and definitely one for the books. My only regret is that I didn't take any pictures, but I wanted to document the wonderfulness of it all...

Friday Night: Jason worked super duper late (9:00 pm, he has never ever worked anywhere close to this late before). But it turned out okay because I spent the afternoon on the couch, and then went to dinner at Applebee's with my parents and brother. It was a nice night of talking and enjoying each other. It was especially good because we got some bad news at work on Friday, our principal said she is losing allotments, which means people will be losing their jobs. Scary? Yes. But, I'm calm and just trusting God. Worrying about it won't change a darn thing, so I'm choosing to trust. Talking all of it over with my parents helped out too. Great night.
 Saturday: What a day!! I woke up at 830, because I had quite the journey ahead of me. I was meeting Leigh, Saxon, and Judy in Leigh's new apartment just outside of Buckhead. I was ready to face my anxiety of driving in Atlanta and I conquered every bit of 575, 75, 285, and 400. Boo yah. I only made one simple U turn and only got yelled at one time, haha!! It was really nice, and I felt liberated for conquering it.

It was so wonderful to see those girls. We all brought brunch foods, and we had an absolute blast! It is just so wonderful to be with people who believe the same things you do, in the same stage of life, and who love/support/ and pray for you. What an absolute honor. We talked about everything from weddings to marriage to faith to jobs to bridesmaid dresses to family to whatever.

My next stop was Kennesaw to meet up for lunch with Jessica and Allie! Oh how I love them! We ate at Panera and sat outside and talked for over, get this, 3 hours! Ha! It was divine. So great to catch back up, and re-evaluate our 5 year plans, ha!! I can't tell you how much I loved it. The only thing missing was the presence of some other dear friends, Specifically of Amory, that was the only thing that could have made the day better.

Between these two rendezvous, I realized two things. One, no matter how wonderful my husband is, he will never be one of my girlfriends. My wise husband has often encouraged me to be sure to keep talking and hanging our with these girls. He so wisely said "If you don't hang out with them, you will loose them, and those are some great girls!" So right he is, and I'm so glad to take the time to hang out with these amazing ladies. They just fulfill a different need that I have. For goodness sakes I girltalked for a total of 5 hours that day! And of course we could have talked 5 more without a problem!!

I also realized another wonderful thing by being with people of my same age, stage, and faith. That being, I DONT have to have it all figured out. These girls reminded me of that, we are still young and so much of our lives are not yet decided. I suppose the fact that most of my co-workers are further along in their careers, I often feel like I should have my life on cruise control, but you know what, my fabulous friends don't and I don't either! Amen and hallelujah!

I DO have to confess that I had been missing my husband that day. But he was happily playing paintball that day with some guy pals. So I was very happy to come home and then go out with him to my In-laws house for a good 'ol cook-out with the whole family. I just adore my second family. It was a wonderful night of good food, great convos on the porch, and awesome times of playing outside (a fierce game of freeze tag between Jason, me, Madison, Tiffiany, and Shane).

Sunday: I know this is getting long, but I can't stop without telling about Sunday. I look forward to Sundays all week. It is my favorite day of the week. Going to church and worshiping and and learning corporately, is just phenomenal. I feel like it is when I get my battery charged. Plus, we are just in awe of how God is moving at our church and in our lives lately. I just love Sundays. This one was no different.

After church, we grabbed some lunch, and then I went shopping with my Mom!! Once again we had some great conversations (I think I used up more than my share of "words" this weekend as they say), and I got an Easter dress and one other dress at Ann Taylor Loft. Pictures to come! Edit: I had a duh moment..why not show the dresses from the site...

Here is the one I am gonna wear for Easter...

Knit Dress with Pleated Ruffles

The day ended with choir practice at 5, and night service at 7. Just wonderful. Sometime soon, I wanna do a blog post on just what I love about Sundays, because I sure do.

Overall, one heck of a weekend, wouldn't you agree? I am blessed.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Hungry, why wait?

When is the last time you forgot to eat?

The first response to this question is probably, "never". I know it is for me. I mean sometimes as soon as I finished one meal, I am thinking about the next one. In fact, I am notorious for being rather cranky if I don't eat. We spend a whole lot of time, money, and energy buying, preparing, and eating physical food.

But, of course, this question isn't referring to brownies or bananas. The real question is when is the last time you forgot to eat of the living bread. I wish my answer was the same, but it isn't.

This was the topic tonight at church. The preacher even asked us to raise our hands if we had read the whole Bible through. He also told a story about how he took his TV to a landfill and hasn't had one since because he knew watching it was a waste of his time. The part of the sermon that totally rocked my world was that "you can not and will not be effective for Christ if you aren't spending time daily with his word." Just like we would not go a day with out physical food, my prayer and desire is that I will never go a single day without partaking in the word. Jason and I talked about this the whole ride home, and we decided that each time we eat physical food we will also eat of the word. In fact, I placed a bible, journal, pen, and reading plan on one of the dining room chairs we don't use.

Beth Moore said this on her blog tonight..."Lord, please grant him an unusual, contagious love for You and a voracious appetite for Your Word." I pray this also for me and you, that we would have an unquenchable thirst for the word, and that it would continually flood our hearts and minds.

May we never starve ourselves and fall into a coma again. The time is evil and we must redeem each moment we have on earth. May we never offer an excuse, and may we examine how we are spending time time you give us.

PS: This is a wonderful blog  that talks about daily scripture time at the table, and other ways to "walk with Him":

Thursday, March 11, 2010


     This Friday, Saturday, and Sunday we are having Revival at my church. I told our associate pastor this last night that I feel like I'm running a marathon leading up to this revival. In other words, God has been wearing me out. I'm so excited, I just really feel like God is gonna show up in a big big way!

       Before I continue, I have a confession. I usually don't like blog posts like this one. Although I am a lover of the Word and I love having conversations about theology, for some reason when I come upon a blog on "deeper" material, I often skim through. I guess I would rather read about make-up or babies or photography. Yikes. But one thing God has been whispering to me is that everything I do is for an audience of one. The devil often gets me off track with the sins of pride and envy, and I begin to focus on others (even with stuff like worshiping, praying, memorizing scriptures...Ugh!) But so sweetly, he reminds me who my audience is.

          Now, for this concept of revival. (If you don't know what a revival is, it's a series of extra church services). I must say that God has even been speaking to me about what revival means. As a child, I think I formed a skewed vision of what revival meant. I began seeing a revival's success as being how many people were saved (or committed their life to Christ) during those services. At the end of the week, people would always be talking about how many people were saved and comparing it to how many were saved at other churches. It seemed to become a competition to me, and if no one was saved, the revival seemed unsuccessful. Then, I began thinking about the word revival. Webster defines it as “renewed attention to or interest in something". I realized revival really isn't about those who don't know Christ, it's about those who know Him and have fallen away or fallen asleep or fallen down or whatever!

        This could almost be a totally different blog post, but this act of having to fight the flesh each day and of dying daily is something that has really resonated with me lately. I have finally found that the Christian life is a daily choice and battle. I used to get so sad when a spiritual high would wear off from a conference or church service. I would start to believe that I hadn't really gotten what I needed because if I had I wouldn't so quickly go back to where I started spiritually. But, praise God, I have realized that I cannot live a perfect Christian life no matter how hard I try, but I must put on the armor of God and fight against the flesh and the devil each day and each moment.

        But, back to the concept of revival, Don Graham who will be preaching the revival services defines revival on his website as "rekindling the fire of the saved, encouraging them to repent and return to their first love". I get the picture of someone being shocked back to life with an AED. Can you picture it? This person was definitely alive (been born again) at one time, but the devil has worked every day at attacking that person. It's almost as if as Christians we starve ourselves. Imagine if you went one day without eating or drinking. Then a week, then a month, then a year, and so on. Physically of course we would die. This is just what we do when we go for days, weeks, months, and years without eating from the bread of life which is the word of God or without drinking in the Spirit. Spiritually, it seems that people go into a coma and become totally ineffective for Christ. They are totally complacent, totally distracted by the world, totally starved for spiritual nourishment, totally ineffective for Christ (just where the devil wants them). But then, this team runs in with those electronic paddles (revival services/scripture/prayer) and shocks them right back to life.

        I am really looking forward to these services. There is a great core of people at New Hope who are all so genuinely and earnestly seeking God and I know he will honor that.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Because I want to remember this forever...

"Jim Elliot wrote, ' Wherever you are, be all there.' In our microwaveable, fast-paced society, most of us are distracted and preoccupied with a hundred different things at any given time. In order to savor the romance of life, we must learn how to live purposefully--to treat each conversation, experience, and activity as valuable and worthy of our time and focus. It means a shift from a haphazard, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants lifestyle to thoughtful, meaningful living. It means not carelessly spending our time on mindless, meaningless things, but treating each moment of the day as a valuable gift from God, not to be wasted on selfish whims."
-Leslie Ludy, in her book, The Lost Art of True Beauty

This is how I want to live.

Lord, Help me to live a life of intention. You say that we should redeem the time, for the days are evil. Don't let me miss a moment to life, to love, to make Your name known. I know that my time on earth is limited, a vapor, a flower quickly fading. Create divine appointments for me, and give me the wisdom not to miss them. Thank you for so many wonderful gifts on earth. Thank you that this life is just a short time before we enter eternity with You. Father, I can't do this on my own. Crucify me to the flesh, and let Your spirit reign supremely in my life. Thank you Abba, I love You.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

My Typical Day/Week

    So, I don't usually participate in blog  carnivals, but a blog  I really like...Kelly's Kornor has one this week for "typical day". I was intrigued, that is definately something I want to remember and perhaps it will be somewhat interesting  to you! So, a day in the life....

4:30 Jason's alarm goes off, he gets ready and kisses me goodbye. Buuuuut...I'm usually not conscious, ha!
5:30 My ihome sounds, I press snooze until 6:00 or 6:05 or crap it's 6:15 (I dunno, it is just how I roll)
6:00ish-700ish- Take a shower, eat breakfast while perusing Facebook (if time), dressed, hair fixed, make-up, pack lunch/ gym clothes, out the door! (I leave anywhere from 630-700, depending on the morning!)
645ish-710ish drive to school, prayer time with Abba=best way to start the day

710-740 sign in, check my mailbox, check email, prepare for the day
740-8:Here come the kids! Talk to my teacher neighbor in the hallway, greet my kiddies at the door
8-830: Homeroom/Falcon Focus morning announcements, take attendance, supervise kids as they do work
832-9:26 1st period: My class of 8, I love them. We worked on research papers today
9:28-10:23 2nd period: gifted class: teach, help, laugh, etc.They worked on a project today.
10:23-1141 Planning: Eat a banana, do work, read the word, and read blogs, 
1145-12:15 kids come back and head to lunch...usually a lean cuisine for me
12:15-1:12 4th period (same as 2nd)
1:12-2:05 5th period (same as 2nd)
2:05-2:55 6th period: same 8 from the morning, we usually do Read 180 on computers and read
2:55-3:05 RR, locker, bus duty, more laughing,  Dismissal 

Pretty darn awesome, if you ask me. 95% of the time, I really enjoy my day.

After work changes daily..

Monday: stay around school until 4ish or wander around Target or something, then gym for Body Combat class (kickboxing) from 430-530, then home for dinner (Jas usually cooks fish), then shower, dishes and couch for TV (The Bachelor, Biggest Loser, and Modern Family M-W for now), reading, talk to Jas, computer, until about 10 (seriously), Jas usually tucks me in (awww) then stays up a little later (how does he do it?)

Tuesday: pick up dinner for me (Chick-fil-A or Subway usually), head to gifted class from 430-700ish, then couch/bed

Wednesday: sometimes gym for treadmill time, sometimes home for Ellen/Oprah/snack on couch time...just keeping it real
5: eat dinner (something quick, pasta or sandwiches usually)
6-830 Youth!

Thursday: run errands until 545
545-645: Body Attack class (awesome)
7 head to Mom's for dinner (whoo hoo, no dishes!)

Friday: come home and chill until Jason comes home, head out for date night!! Love it.

I will have to do a weekend snapshot sometime, especially of Sundays (my favorite!), maybe with pictures?! I must say that I lead one pretty darn blessed life. I truly am living out my happily ever after. :)

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

For My Sista...

Edna: So, hopefully you won't mind if I put this on here for the world to see, it's written just for you...

   So, my sista got some not so hot news (this just in, she has a blog now!), I'll let her tell the details, but basically she just found out that the plan she had school/career-wise isn't working out like she had hoped at the moment. I think we've all been in those shoes, and it tottally stinks. Every. Time. I remember when I found out I didn't get into Winshape (a college scholarship program), I was crushed. I just knew that was how it was going to go down, and when it didn't, I was crushed. I remember sitting in my closet (of all places), just sobbing. Then, a familar song came on the radio, and God in His awesomeness spoke to me throgh a dumb county song... Remember this one?

I am, Rosemary's grand-daughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done my Mamas still my biggest fan
Sometimes, I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I got friends that love me
And they know just where I stand
They're all a part of me
And That's who I am

   Ha, of all songs, right? But, in that moment, I felt God lift up my head, and say "You are known, and you are loved." So many things are so uncertain in this world. Our plans, our jobs, our health, even the things in this song like friends and family are so uncertain. But I'm so thankful for a God who is certain, and who doesn't change. He had plans for us, and He orders our steps. I get such comfort in that. These verses come to mind....

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Phillipians 4: 6-7

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life....
But seek ye first his kindgdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6: 25,33-34

Exerts from Psalm 63:
My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken

Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him
for God is our refuge

One thing God has spoken,
two things have I heard;
that you, O God, are stong;
and that you O Lord, are loving.

        So, my sista, I hope you get some comfort and encouragment out of these. I know for sure that God is going to do great things in and through you. This "door closing" means that there is one awesome Eden worthy window somewhere. God wouldn't have given you so many awesome talents, abilities, and personality to waste. I can't wait to see what He amzing things He does with you! Love you!