Friday, January 8, 2010

give me Jesus

Without hesitation, I can say that my relationship with Jesus is the most rewarding, fulfilling, and wonderful part of my life. My Lord has been so real and so sweet to me lately. I feel His presence and I hear His voice speaking specifically into my life. The creator of the UNIVERSE loves me and cares about my little tiny old life (and yours too). Amazing. One of the coolest things Ive experienced lately is growing in my faith. I feel like in the past 6 months, God has really brouht me into a deeper place with Him.
A few months ago I saw a quote that rocked my world. It said something to the effect of how Christians today pray for safety and comfort when we should be praying for boldness and opportunities to advance the Kingdom like those in the early church did. Paul and Peter and John did not live lives of comfort and safety, that's for sure. How many times have I been guilty of this?! As a child I would recite the "Now I lay me down to sleep" and then afterwards recite a laundry list of people I wanted God to bless and keep safe. But I worried, what if I forgot to say someone! My Dad may die in a car wreck because I didn't ask God to bless him!? Then I also felt guilty to ask for my people to be safe and not others. So I developed an insurance policy of just asking for God to bless the whole world. That should cover it...
This habit continued into the start of my adult years. My prayers were usually selfish and always included a blanket of protection for those I loved most. But then as I was praying non-stop about having a job this school year, I paused one afternoon. I knew that God knew the desire of my heart for a job, and I totally believed His promise that He will take care of ALL my needs according to His glorious riches. So I stopped asking for a job. And started asking for more faith. Then some days I felt lead to just praise God in prayer, knowing that He is faithful. I just wanted to praise Him, and expect nothing in return.
After He blessed me with a job in a zero job market in July, I still continued to examine my prayer life. At the candle light service on Christmas Eve, the Father boldly asked me this question through a survey our Pastor asked us to fill out. It said "How can we pray for you?" I sat and thought about what I really wanted, and I decided that it really wasn't for my family members to be safe, I decided it wasn't for me to be comfortable or prosperous. Instead I decided that what I wanted at my core was "For Him to become greater and for me to become less." John 3:30
This is my deepest desire. I put on my facebook status on New Year's day that I was praying
that God would use me in big ways in 2010. And then during a Sunday night service I felt the whisper to stand up and proclaim that more than anything, more than money or comfort or beauty or the American Dream or safety or a nest egg or influence or power or a child or my perfect timeline or a house or a new car or a shopping spree or to look like a super model or any other dream, I wanted Christ. For I have been crucified with Christ and no loner live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body I live by faith in Jesus, who loves me and gave himself for me. (Galatians 2:20).

Father, YOU are what I want. Your name and renonwn is the supreme desire of my heart.
In Your name and for Your Glory !

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