Wednesday, February 18, 2009

I believe love is the answer.

What a day. Right now, I am right in the middle of my time as a student teacher. Mostly, it's been insanely awesome. My supervising teacher, Mr. Jones, is not only one of the best teachers I have ever seen (which is saying a lot, because I have had some GREAT teachers), he is also just one of the finest human beings I have ever known. He is constantly showering me with great advice (take time for yourself), and constant praise (you are heads and shoulders above the rest and next year, you will be giving the pep talks). In fact, I really want to try to record all of the awesome things he says because it's so great.

But today, was different. It may be because I am getting tired and overwhelmed or that Aunt Flow is sure to be visiting soon (sorry, tmi?). But, today I am discouraged. Mr. Jones is always talking to me, and as a self proclaimed "realist", he is usually telling it like it is, which I appreciate. Today, some of the other teachers came in on our daily talk session. There is one thing I really don't like about people in the teacher profession, and that is that they are inherently whiners. Maybe it rubs off from the students? So, begins the depressing whining. They all talked about how there is no way that you can really reach students, and that no matter what you do, that it won't make a difference (ie: they will still end up in jail). So, I asked the question, why do you come to work everyday then? The answers were really varied. One said, it was because every once and a while you will make a difference. Another said it was the challenge of trying to figure everything out. Yet another, said it was family and time off.

But, I wasn't satisfied.

I feel like I'm at a crossroads. Do I really want to teach? Or a better question is, Is that what God has planned for my life? I remember when I decided to change my major from Music to Middle Grades Education. I was in Plains Georgia with my family visiting the Jimmy Carter museum, the summer before my Sophomore year of college. There was some information there about a teacher that President Carter had that told all of her students that "one day, one of you could be president". Mr. Carter detailed what a difference he had made in her life. I felt like God was calling me to do the same. But, was I just changing over because I was scared and really really didn't want to major in music? Was it just the easiest option, or was it ordained by God?

Siiiiiiiiiiigh, all these questions. I started thinking back to that question of why I wake up every day, or basically, what my purpose is in this life. And that, I am sure of. I know that my purpose is to glorify God. The reason I life and breathe and move is to bring glory to Him. So, the question is, is teaching the way I am suppose to do that? There are a lot of things I like about teaching. I love laughing with the kids. I love being in the School. I love being creative and thinking of lessons. I really don't want to be motivated by money in my job choice. I mean, money is so pointless. Can you imagine working you whole life just to make money? How sad! Then, you die, and all your money is pointless! I don't want to waste my life.  I'm asking God to reveal to me what it is He has for my life, and I know he will. 

As I was leaving school today, God gave me this song...

Violence has spread worldwide and there’s families on the streets
We sell drugs to children now, well why can’t we just see
That all we do is eliminate our future with the things we do today
Money is our incentive now so that makes it ok

But I believe that love is the answer
I believe love will find a way

Walk blindly to the light and reach out for His hand
Don’t ask any questions and don’t try to understand

Jesus is the Answer for the World Today
Above Him theres no other 
Jesus is the Way
Jesus is the Answer for the World Today
Above Him theres no other 
Jesus is the Way

My goal and purpose in life is to love God and love people. Lord, show me how and where you want me to do that. May I never miss an opportunity. I still believe that YOU are the answer (and the meaning of life, sorry point of grace reference). I guess it just all brings me to the point that nothing will ever be perfect on earth. Every day in school, I see the good and evil fighting over those souls. I know that Jesus is the answer. I know that LOVE NEVER FAILS. So when I do show them true love, it DOES make a difference. The devil just wants me to believe that it doesn't. I don't want to stop because I am quitting. I don't want to feel defeated. I don't want to run away a cry because my feelings were hurt. No, I will stand and fight and do the best that I can. Lord, help to be a vessel of you. You are the only thing that matters! Life is just a pre-game to eternity. Only what I do here for you will last. Please help to see what exactly that is. Help me see a way TODAY and tomorrow and forever that love is the answer. 

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