Wednesday, February 18, 2009

I believe love is the answer.

What a day. Right now, I am right in the middle of my time as a student teacher. Mostly, it's been insanely awesome. My supervising teacher, Mr. Jones, is not only one of the best teachers I have ever seen (which is saying a lot, because I have had some GREAT teachers), he is also just one of the finest human beings I have ever known. He is constantly showering me with great advice (take time for yourself), and constant praise (you are heads and shoulders above the rest and next year, you will be giving the pep talks). In fact, I really want to try to record all of the awesome things he says because it's so great.

But today, was different. It may be because I am getting tired and overwhelmed or that Aunt Flow is sure to be visiting soon (sorry, tmi?). But, today I am discouraged. Mr. Jones is always talking to me, and as a self proclaimed "realist", he is usually telling it like it is, which I appreciate. Today, some of the other teachers came in on our daily talk session. There is one thing I really don't like about people in the teacher profession, and that is that they are inherently whiners. Maybe it rubs off from the students? So, begins the depressing whining. They all talked about how there is no way that you can really reach students, and that no matter what you do, that it won't make a difference (ie: they will still end up in jail). So, I asked the question, why do you come to work everyday then? The answers were really varied. One said, it was because every once and a while you will make a difference. Another said it was the challenge of trying to figure everything out. Yet another, said it was family and time off.

But, I wasn't satisfied.

I feel like I'm at a crossroads. Do I really want to teach? Or a better question is, Is that what God has planned for my life? I remember when I decided to change my major from Music to Middle Grades Education. I was in Plains Georgia with my family visiting the Jimmy Carter museum, the summer before my Sophomore year of college. There was some information there about a teacher that President Carter had that told all of her students that "one day, one of you could be president". Mr. Carter detailed what a difference he had made in her life. I felt like God was calling me to do the same. But, was I just changing over because I was scared and really really didn't want to major in music? Was it just the easiest option, or was it ordained by God?

Siiiiiiiiiiigh, all these questions. I started thinking back to that question of why I wake up every day, or basically, what my purpose is in this life. And that, I am sure of. I know that my purpose is to glorify God. The reason I life and breathe and move is to bring glory to Him. So, the question is, is teaching the way I am suppose to do that? There are a lot of things I like about teaching. I love laughing with the kids. I love being in the School. I love being creative and thinking of lessons. I really don't want to be motivated by money in my job choice. I mean, money is so pointless. Can you imagine working you whole life just to make money? How sad! Then, you die, and all your money is pointless! I don't want to waste my life.  I'm asking God to reveal to me what it is He has for my life, and I know he will. 

As I was leaving school today, God gave me this song...

Violence has spread worldwide and there’s families on the streets
We sell drugs to children now, well why can’t we just see
That all we do is eliminate our future with the things we do today
Money is our incentive now so that makes it ok

But I believe that love is the answer
I believe love will find a way

Walk blindly to the light and reach out for His hand
Don’t ask any questions and don’t try to understand

Jesus is the Answer for the World Today
Above Him theres no other 
Jesus is the Way
Jesus is the Answer for the World Today
Above Him theres no other 
Jesus is the Way

My goal and purpose in life is to love God and love people. Lord, show me how and where you want me to do that. May I never miss an opportunity. I still believe that YOU are the answer (and the meaning of life, sorry point of grace reference). I guess it just all brings me to the point that nothing will ever be perfect on earth. Every day in school, I see the good and evil fighting over those souls. I know that Jesus is the answer. I know that LOVE NEVER FAILS. So when I do show them true love, it DOES make a difference. The devil just wants me to believe that it doesn't. I don't want to stop because I am quitting. I don't want to feel defeated. I don't want to run away a cry because my feelings were hurt. No, I will stand and fight and do the best that I can. Lord, help to be a vessel of you. You are the only thing that matters! Life is just a pre-game to eternity. Only what I do here for you will last. Please help to see what exactly that is. Help me see a way TODAY and tomorrow and forever that love is the answer. 

Friday, February 6, 2009

25 Random facts about me

1. To me, music trumps movies any day of the week. I especially love songs with meaningful lyrics. However, I like stupid music too. The current bane of Jason's existence is that I constantly sing "Hey bay-bay!"

2. I'm getting married in 134 days (ok, so maybe you already knew that). Sometimes I can't believe I'm getting married. But, I also can't believe I'm a senior in college, and some days I can't believe that I can drive. Maybe, I have a hard time accepting things.

3. Speaking of getting married, I am crazy about that Jason Leming boy. He is the most respectable, loving, strong, funny, intelligent, good lookin man I have ever known. I can't believe he wants to marry me. I mean, I can be pretty annoying sometimes people.

4. I just missed my mouth and spilled water all down my sweatshirt. So, fact number four is that I am smoooooth.

5. I have a strange obsession with time. I hate not knowing what time it is yet, I don't wear a watch. I am constantly calculating how long it takes me to do different things. Like, it takes an average of 22 minutes to drive from my house to Jason's house, and it takes me 8 minutes to blow dry my hair.

6. I love everything about summertime; the sounds, the smells, the feelings. When, I was about 10 I was riding down the road with my Mom on a perfect summer day, and I decided I wanted to bottle that moment up so I could always remember how sweet summertime felt. I still remember exactly where we were on the road. I also love the 4th of July because I feel like that is quintessential summer time.

7. I'm not a huge cry-er, and I don't love people seeing me cry. But there are a few things that do make me cry... truly sensing the holy spirit, hearing the song "Proud to be an American" with a backing of fireworks on the aforementioned holiday, and when I am extremely angry.

8. I am especially aware lately that life is very, very short. I try my best to live each day remembering that life is just a precursor to eternity, and that only what I do to further the kingdom will count in the end. I am also unusually aware of the fact that someone I love could die at any moment. I know that sounds morbid, but it helps me to do the whole dont-go-to-bed-angry thing. You never know when it will be the last time you see someone.

9. I am all about being intentional. I don't like doing anything mindlessly, which has led to the recent demise of my relationship with T.V. From the separation, I found tons more time to be intentional in doing things like reading the bible and being with friends.

10. I love reading blogs. Some of my favorites

11. I find playing Pizza Palace on Webkinz to be extremely relaxing.

12. I am not a very good speller. Some words I always spell incorrectly are speacial, Febuary, and definately. I tell my students that I will purposefully misspell words on the board to see if they catch it.

13.I'm not sure that I will teach my whole life. I am certain that I was suppose to major in it and I will definitely do it for a few years, but there are several things that I don't like about it. But, is there anyone who loves everything about their job? Seriously, I'm asking.

14.I enjoy witty, sarcastic, and ironic humor.

15.I have a love/hate relationship with exercise.

16. I am spending way too much time writing this because I have about 3048927 things to do.

17. I'm anti- stress, and I rarely let things stress me out (but, let's be honest, sometimes stress wins). But, overall, I'm a "don't worry about it" kinda girl.

18. I frequently exaggerate.

19. I love school/office supplies. They make me kinda giddy.

20. I hate the interview question: name three adjectives that describe you. Doesn't everyone say the same thing?

21. My sister is awesome and probably the coolest person I know.I really regret that I didn't figure that out earlier in life, and spent most of my teenage years being unreasonably mean to her.

22. I am not a big fan of driving. I'm not that great at it, and I get lost constantly even going to places I've been 100s of times.

23. I love deep,meaningful conversations especially about theology. Two of my favorite deep convo partners are my dad and my brother.

24. I am a home body. I am so content staying at home all day. I get this from my mom. We like to say we had a didn't-travel-further-than-the-mailbox kinda day. I am a lot like my Mom and also inherited her thriftiness and her nose. I hope one day I can be as loving and selfless as she is.

25. I have awesome friends who are all way cooler than I am. : )