Monday, January 5, 2009

email to Angie

If you haven't heard Audrey's story yet, then it's pretty much mandatory that you go read it, right now. Below is the email I wrote Angie. I wanted to post it because it speaks volumes about our God and word he has done in my life.

I've tried to write this email several times, but somehow the words would escape me. In short, I'm one more person to add to the list of people who has been touched by you, Audrey, and your story.
I seriously can't remember how I happened upon your blog, obviously it was the Father's careful orchestration. I was led to it last Fall, and spent an entire afternoon devouring every word. I cried and prayed and asked God to touch you. I had no idea how much more the words would mean to me. A few weeks later I received one of those life changing phone calls. It was my Mom. They had just been told that my 24 year old brother's nagging cough was not from pneumonia, it was a cancerous tumor in his chest.
I fell to the floor of my dorm room and cried out to God. I had never, ever felt so alone. My family was hurting and so far away, and I felt like I needed to be strong for them. My friends wanted so badly to help, but I couldn't talk to them. I locked myself in my room. I was so angry. Why? Why us? We love you! We serve you! I tried to pray, but I could only moan. It wasn't even that the circumstance were so dire. It was just that, for the first time, I felt abandoned, deserted, betrayed, and alone.
I pleaded with God to show himself to me. The God that parted the red sea, that healed the sick, that raised Jesus from the dead, that saved my own soul, SHOW YOURSELF! And then, He did. The almighty God spoke. He spoke through the 3 lb body of Audrey Caroline. He said, "YOU AREN'T ALONE!". I could feel him again. I could feel him as I read and reread every word on your blog. I could feel him as I listened to "all I can say" on your playlist. I could feel him as your blog directed me to think about Jesus in Gethsemane when he too felt
abandoned, deserted, betrayed, and alone.
So, what I'm trying to say is "thank you". Thank you for being Audrey's voice because her story taught me one of the biggest truths I have ever learned. How cool is that? The girl only lived for a few hours, and she's changing lives.
I now proudly count myself among the ranks of the "Sundays", and read your blog all the time. I'm going to try to start commenting, because I just created my own blog (www.rootedinloveeph3.blogspot) and I feel that if I comment I'm not a creeper! Haha! I will continue to pray for you, and laugh with you, and tell everyone that will listen about Audrey's story.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Modern Bride, Jesus edition


I am simply steaming with emotions. So many, in fact, I feel overwhelmed at even listing them, but I'll do my best.

I feel frustrated.
So, I'm getting married in 6 months. Most of the wedding planning has been absolutely great! I am working hard to cherish this time of my life. Anticipating the wedding is so exciting. I love putting my personal touch on things, and finding ways to make the wedding awesome. But, on the other side, there is frustration. For the first time today, I had that "man, we should have just eloped" feeling. Why can't things just be simple? I was talking to my 90 year old great aunt today about when she got engaged and married. She said that the whole process went as follows.

Boy meets girl. Boy says "hey, wanna get married?". Couple goes to court house or preacher's house. Wham, bam, thank you mam.

Crazy how this simple, amazing union ordained by God has been twisted into this THING! A crazy, money-hungry industry that makes people compare themselves to others, to act out of greedy, to feel inadequate, to loose sight of the beauty of the union.

Well, I refuse.

Ultimately, I want my wedding to do one thing, and it isn't what you think...

I want it to bring glory to my Father.

That's what my life is about afterall.

Pinned up next to me is a life mission statement I wrote when I was 18. My mom found it in a old notebook from school, and cut it and out and pinned it up. It says,

"In my few short years on this earth, I want to worship my God, fellowship with others, do what God wants me to do, become like Jesus, and most importantly take as many with me to Heaven as I possibly can."

I hope, in the next few days to make a mission statement for my wedding too perhaps. But I know that the overall goal is already listed above. Today, I failed at this goal. I became frustrated, I let myself feel inferior, I had a bad attitude, I was rude to those who love me, I lost sight of the beauty.

I'm sorry Father for my failures. Thank you for forgiveness. Thank you that you are bigger than centerpieces, menus, and bridesmaid dresses. Please help me to focus all that I have on only you. Don't let me loose sight of what is important, even in the midst of chiffon and fondant. I want you more, I love you more.

For what shall it profit a man, If he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?
Mark 8:36